There is my new blog website. I imported all of my old posts from here, just make sure you update your links and stuff.

I won’t be updating this blog anymore.

I wish it were raining so bad.

I guess it is, in my little dorm room. The ceiling is a grayish white, and the rain hasn’t yet dried.

I was talking to Andrew today about loneliness, and how the problem with loneliness isn’t actually being alone. I love being alone much of the time. Just last night I went on a great bike ride, got coffee, sat on a dock at Greenlake, and later looked at the stars at Gasworks park. All alone, it was great. The problem

wasn’t being alone, it was returning back to the dorms.

Rob Whittaker last year said that a university, with thousands of people around you, can be the loneliest place in the world (though I suppose being stranded on the moon could get rather lonely, but that isn’t really in the world). The very thing that makes it lonely however, is the people. If I couldn’t see the volleyball being bumped around right night with pretty girls in summer skirts and guys in shorts and T-Shirts, I probably wouldn’t feel too lonely. At least I am in the safety of my room though. The cafeteria is even worse.

Countless times have I sat down at a table trying to meet new people, only to find the second after I sit down they are all of the sudden done and gone. Leaving me with my spinach salad, and without a book to make it look like I am ‘studying’ and don’t have time for friends. Luckily I don’t have terrible self esteem (though it is sinking like the Sonics chances of staying in Seattle), so this still isn’t terrible. I don’t mind being spotted alone in the cafeteria, sometimes I like it.

It is when I sit with people and actually have conversations that hurts the most. It kills me for two main reasons, one being that I usually know nothing will come of our shallow conversation about Gwinns new cereal dispenser. The other is that I don’t even want to get to know them. I could claim to be super spiritual, and many plains above these white kids with their wealthy backgrounds here at SPU, but who am I kidding… I grew up in the suburbs too (hopefully never to return). It just seems that many of the people I have met here aren’t interested in the same things I am interested in. By that I mean that my favorite subject of discussion isn’t my penis, girls vagina’s (though they usually don’t call it that), last weeks South Park episode, or the combination of my penis with a girls vagina while watching South Park. Of course this isn’t all anyone talks about, but it seems like anyone who I would like to be friends with already has a booked schedule.

(Their volleyball just rolled all the way down the hill, suckers)

My question if this: If God wants me to learn to listen to Him, how can I do that when I can hardly remember what it is like to listen to real people? If God wants me to speak to Him, maybe it would be good for me to have some people that I could have a somewhat meaningful conversation with in the face to face realm of the world.

I know I will get through this rough season in my heart, but I only wish my rain would dry with the sun.

Why not just leave?

I want to so bad. So why not do it?

What do I have to lose? There is nothing holding me back, it isn’t too late to drop out of SPU (minus the 500 dollar deposit I would lose, but whatever). Not to mention I don’t even want to go to SPU.

It is something like $1200 dollars, a hell of a lot less than a quarter at SPU, and I would be gone. Of course I would have to make arrangements when I got their, but could it really be worse than here? I mean, I am about to go into ridiculous debt for a school I don’t plan on graduating from, for a degree in which I don’t really need to go to college for.

Maybe it would be better for me if I did just spend a few months in Europe reading books on trains and writing poems in front of castles. Maybe I would make a few friends that I would laugh with, and go on adventures with, and remember what it is like to be alive with. Maybe I would find a new passion, or get really good at art. Maybe I could learn a language, heck, maybe I could never come back to America. It might be better that way anyways (especially if Hillary wins).

but then again…

Maybe I would arrive in London, only to realize nobody is there to pick me up. Maybe I would go on for a week, but not be able to avoid memories of first kisses and being….happy. Maybe I would lose my passport, or lose my wallet (I still haven’t replaced the last wallet that got stolen in Europe), or lose my soul. Maybe  I wouldn’t care about Jesus, or what God has planned for my life, or what He has already told me (assuming He has told me something). Maybe I would miss out on something amazing.

but then again…

but then again…

But then again…It’s what I will be saying the rest of my life, I am sure of it.

Don’t worry, both of you who read my blog, don’t worry. I (probably) won’t go anywhere, other than SPU next quarter. But I will dream.

Don’t put God into a box though, right? Right? But God is love, right? So God is within the box of love, right?

Jesus was a man, right? Oh crap, another box.

The virgin birth, another box.

Crucified, died, resurrected, all boxes as well.

Putting God into a box is more of a cop-out than anything. When someone asks us the real tough questions about the Bible, or about theology, it is really easy to say “well I don’t want to put God into a box” …but isn’t that why he gave us the Bible, so we could get to know Him?

Of course, not all of Him. But parts, or some of Him? To know Him, is putting God into some sort of a box. The least we could do is come up with some better cop-out answer.

“By this gospel you are saved, if you hold firmly to the word I preached to you. Otherwise, you have believed in vain”  1 Corinthians 15.2

hold firmly to the word I preached to you

stay within the box I am giving you

Now of course I don’t want to put God into my box. God do this, God make this taste better, God get me into this school. That isn’t the point.

Also, whenever we study God, we need to remember that He defines our limits of study. There are many things we cannot understand about Him, but that doesn’t mean there are things He has given for us to understand, in our limited understanding.

Maybe a better way of putting it, is that we don’t put God into a box, but we can see some of the edges of the box.

Keep in mind it is really brief, I had eight of these questions I had to fit into six pages, so I might expand on it later.

I believe that the purpose of human life can best be seen in Genesis, before the fall. First, we were made to be in relationships.[i] God is a relational God, and all throughout the Scriptures it is clear that we are meant to be in community. Second, we were made to work.[ii] Before the fall, and the curse of our work not producing fruit,[iii] we were made to take care of the Garden of Eden. Even when the Prophets speak of heaven, they speak of us building houses, and planting vineyards.[iv] Thirdly, we were made to have fellowship with God.[v] The Lord was walking in the garden on a cool day, not just to spend time in His creation, but to dwell with us. Finally, similar to us working, we were made to have dominion over the earth.[vi] To put it simply, the purpose of human life is to worship God.

We have the 5 Love Languages, Sacred Pathways, 14 types of Grace, 5 Points of Calvinism.

Is everything broken down into categories?

Now let me say, EVERYTHING is about categories, we NEED categories. If I say the word ‘cattle’ you automatically thing ‘sheep, cows, branding…etc.’ Categories are good, and they help our brain associate things together. But they can also make us lazy.

I don’t really need to figure out what spiritually turns me on, when I can take a 15 question quiz online and find out I am an ‘Activist type.’

I am not knocking the 5 love languages, they are great, they can help….But I remember one of my first conversations with Andrea (a girl I fell in love with), asking what her love languages were….While she was telling me, I was trying to figure out if we would be ‘compatible.’ Couldn’t I have figured them out on my own? Would that have made things any better/worse? I don’t know the answers, I am just suggesting that maybe we don’t need to break absolutely everything down into categories.

The last several sermons at Mars Hill have broken everything down into categories.

4 Types of the Emerging Church

14 Types of Grace

4 Ways to Date

5 Methods of Birth Control.

I understand the concept, it really makes it easy to copy down notes, and for our brains to get our heads around the ideas presented….But is it maybe being a bit lazy?  In all of these sermons, no Biblical stories were used, only random verses to support each category.

Take this example my roommate gave me. The Food Pyramid. How helpful is it? We know on a daily basis, how much dairy, grain, and meat we should be eating…

But weren’t people eating food for thousands of years before the Food Pyramid came around?

I am trying not to critisize everything about categories, because I think they are needed, they really do help. I believe the benefits from knowing 12 Sacred Pathways for outweigh the losses from not being aware that there are different pathways to being aware of Gods presence.

I guess I just wonder if this is the best possible way to learn. Maybe it is.

A hip Christian, you know, one that wear cool glasses (like me) and smokes cloves and is so over Sufjan Stevens. Ok, so I am talking about Seattle culture, but also Pop Culture.

Part of the emerging movement in Christianity today is a swing to more culturally savvy churches. This is cool and all, but I don’t think the church is reaching culture, so much as specific sub cultures. You are probably thinking “So whats the point.”

Well I go to Mars Hill in Seattle, which prides itself in being a very culturally up-to-date church. They have a cool indie worship band, and everyone wears really cool clothes they got from Urban Outfitters. They really are cool, and culturally relevant. Kinda, I mean, they reach a culture. Mars Hill is great at reaching white males in their mid 20′s….But terrible at reaching poor Latino families or Asian immigrants. Those are cultures also.

I feel like people are using ‘culture’ as a blanket word, suggesting it means anyone living in this postmodern world we find ourselves in. Culture however, isn’t limited to white indie rockers, or graffiti artists living in the hood. Culture includes all people, over all forms of life.

Here is my point:

If the church today is going to call itself ‘Culturally Savvy’ we need to be able to reach a broad range of cultures, not just one specific sub culture.

Anyways, I found this blog on the emerging church, and I thought it was very will written….

*gasp*

Yeah I said it. I know, my blog has been so Christian up to this point.

But maybe God isn’t real? I mean, He is….But maybe He isn’t?

If only you knew how much this question has been on my mind the last week. I cannot escape it. Its like….Its like the Holy Spirit it just shoving it down my throat. This same question, this same thought…”It’s all too good to be true”…”Religion is something someone made up a long time ago to make you feel better”…”Science disproved God in the 9th grade.”

Some of you reading this will think “Finally, he came to his wits” and others will think “Man, I really should call him…What time is it on the west coast?”

Atheism seems like such a good world view doesn’t it? On the outside at least. It has some fatal flaws, which I don’t really want to discuss/debate right now.

Christianity has some flaws too….But they are only really flaws if you aren’t a Christian, which in itself is a flaw (unless you are a Christian, then its not really of any importance)…(circular logic to the extreme!).

Andrea told me last night, that “you can only go as high as you have been low.” She stole it from someone else, but it meant more coming from her. If that is the truth, then I am going to get really high I suppose. Which is cool, but also not so cool, because it means God (probably) will only hold me to a higher standard.

The hardest thing I can think of, is going from totally in love with God/feeling His presence…etc to not at all in the course of two or three days. Which is really what has happened to me. The problem is, it highlights how lonely not having God would be. Andrew Cottrill wrote about being lonely. It really is a terrible thing.

I am praying so hard (probably to God) that I only grow stronger in my faith to Him through all this…But I hope that doesn’t mean I leave behind logic, reason, and….the ability to think. Well it would be nice to take a week or two off from thinking…I am doing way too much of it.

What if I cared about the homeless, the sick, opressed, prostitutes, sinners, unclean, non-religious folk.

Everything would change.

What if I were more interested in what I can do for the church, than what the church can do for me?

What would a church look like if it did only what Jesus said to do.

Everything would change.

Imagine what it would be like if there were no homeless people in your city. What would it be like if one hundred followers of Jesus were in one place. The earth would tremble.

What if you helped up a crippeled man. What if you gave someone a dollar. What if I cared less about my safety, and more about the things Jesus cares about.

Everything would change.

*thank you Rob Bell for putting this thought into words